The Story of Susan

Susan had many past lives, as you all have had. They ranged from the powerful and the energetic lifetimes of Atlantis to the provocative lifetimes in old Egypt, and through the many lifetimes in lands across your world, including a lifetime (like many of you here) that was touched by the Master of Love, Yeshua Ben Joseph. During these lifetimes there were many things that Susan learned and experienced. These left many marks, many energetic memories upon her being. Like those in the room and reading this material, she worked very diligently, particularly in these past series of lifetimes that have occurred since the Master of Love walked this Earth. There was a commitment given at her heart level – like so many of you did here – that said, "I will continue the work that He showed me." She went through a series of difficult lifetimes, as most of you have also. Many of you knew her in the monasteries, in the churches that you started, for she was there.

Susan went through many struggles. But she came around the circle of her karma into this lifetime, which would be a lifetime of final releasing. Now she was born into a family that was, to say the least, difficult to be with – like so many of you here. Susan had a mother who was very controlling, demanding and self-centered. She had a father that gave his power to others all the time and was known to frequently give his power to alcohol. He let the controlling mother run his life. He was not much of the strength figure that a father should typically be.

Susan grew up with this, and she was shy as a youngster. Oh, she was bright in school. Her marks were high, but you would never know. She was shy. Susan felt like the odd person in a crowd. Although she knew she had something special about her, she simply could not come to letting her light shine forth. There were heavy burdens that she had carried over from her past lives. Her own family situation in this lifetime made it even more intense.

Now Susan was a loner for the most part. She had several close friends, but she was not one who joined in the school activities nor was she the popular one in class. There was something powerful and special inside her that cried to come forth, but there was also something that held her back.

Susan left home at the earliest possible opportunity to be free of this family situation that was most difficult, to go out to discover herself. She fell in love, or so she thought, with a boy when she first went off to college. She became pregnant. Being young and being in a state of fear, Susan had an abortion. This weighed heavily on her soul.

In spite of this, she did well in school. She focused her energy on her studies and graduated with honors. After her college years, she did find one she truly loved, a man with whom she had a previous agreement to join with in this lifetime. Susan and her new mate married and raised several children. They went through the typical problems that other humans have. Along the way there were money problems. There were infidelity problems. There were problems with the children in school. But also there was much love. She loved her children dearly, and she loved her husband dearly. But yes, indeed there were problems. She took these problems upon herself heavily and deeply.

At one point Susan, needing a new light in her life, needing something for direction, joined a church. She went to this conventional church for several years of time. She tried to learn and to understand about God. She attended the schools that they offered, and went each Sunday to pray and to worship. She studied the Bible that she had never studied before.

But dear friends, Susan, the Susan that each of you will meet some day when you are teachers, could not relate in her heart to the words that were coming from the church. She felt that she was a sinner; and therefore, Jesus and God could not possibly love her. She slowly withdrew from the church and went back to her life, wondering what it was all about.

One day, Susan was in a bookstore. As she walked down the aisles looking for something to read, and a book seemingly jumped off of the shelf in front of her. It was a book that had an intriguing cover on it. It talked of a new light and a new way. This attracted her, but it also embarrassed her. She hid it between the other books she was buying, and quickly proceeded to the checkout counter, hoping nobody would see the strange sounding book of light and love and New Age that she was about to read. She went home and found herself instantly attracted to it. She devoured it in a day, reading it word for word. It rang true within her. She cried and cried and cried because it was the message of Home.

Now many of you know the continuing story of Susan, don’t you? Susan studied the New Age, attended seminars, and met others who were Shaumbra. She was thrilled with her discovery. For the first time she was beginning to truly understand who she was. She began to come to understandings of a new order of things.

But within Susan there was still something troubling, something she could not let go of, something that prevented her from breaking free. Even though she loved this new work in the New Age, there were days when she was depressed, when her whole body ached. There were days when she felt frustrated that she could not create what she truly desired in her heart. She began to call out to Spirit again and say, "what is it that I should know?"

She asked Spirit when the challenging experiences in her life would go away. She asked when she would come to this place of nirvana where she would be in a place of peace. While she loved her life and her family and all that she was, there was also a part of Susan that wished to leave, that was tired, that wanted to go back Home. But Susan also knew within her intuitively that Home wasn’t Home anymore. She knew intuitively that it was time for her to continue doing the work.

Last night Susan laid upon her bed, happy with life and smiling within but yet wondering, wondering, wondering what she should know. She had been reading the Crimson Circle materials. She had read about allowing and accepting all things as they are. She had been practicing standing behind the short wall. She was coming to new realisations, but yet there was still a major block.

So Susan, we call out to you on this day, and to all of you who are here. Lesson Number Two is accept your human self and you will come to know your divine self. It is a simple lesson, but one of the most powerful and one of the most challenging that you will have. Now let us explain what this is all about, what Lesson Two – accept your human self and you will come to know your divine self – is all about.

Susan she brought many experiences with her into this lifetime. She brought the core experience of knowing what it was like on the outer edges of the First Creation. Within her, she knew the core feeling that all things were no longer One. She knew the feeling that there was a rumbling within the core of all things. She knew the feelings of being disconnected from Spirit. Susan brought that with her.

She brought guilt and experience and pain and challenge and difficulty from thousands of lifetimes on this Earth. Susan brought guilt and judgement and pain from her experiences as a human in this lifetime. She blamed herself for her father’s drinking and for her father’s lack of strength. She blamed herself for not telling him more often that she loved him because, in a sense, she despised him for what he was, so she blamed herself. She brought guilt for the harsh thoughts that she had of her own mother. Oh, as a child she would lay awake at night dreaming of suffocating her mother. It felt good, and she felt guilty of that.

She carried a heavy burden with her of not being a better friend to those who had come to her in her youth. They were attracted to her because they saw a light that she could not see. Her friends in grade school and high school came to her for healing, but she was so shy and so inhibited that she did not allow herself to do the work that she intuitively knew how to do. She felt guilty for hiding and for not being stronger and being a healer for those who came. Instead she isolated herself, befriending only a few because it was easier and safer.

She felt deeply guilty for having conceived a child and then giving that child. She had heard that God hates people like that. She had heard that you are killing a soul when you have an abortion. This weighed heavily on her. This was one of her deepest, darkest nightmares. She felt guilty.

In her marriage she felt guilty that she could not be more supportive to her husband who was experiencing his own issues of abundance. He would have difficulty each time he was promoted in a job. Each time he began to achieve financial freedom something would happen to shatter that. He would be out of work. She felt guilty that she could not be there to help him overcome his own worthiness issues. She did not know how to handle this.

She felt guilty about not being a better mother to her children. She wished she had done more to solve their problems, protect them, keep them from hurting. She felt guilty that at times she would curse them. She would go to her room and lock the door and say, "never talk to me again." She felt guilty for this. She felt extreme guilt.

When she went back to church and tried to discover something within, she felt unworthy because God and Jesus would not talk to her. She did not feel reborn and rejuvenated. She did not have the passion like the other churchgoers had. She could not raise her hands and sing "hallelujah" with the same passion they did. She felt dirty and guilty. She knew from going to church that she was a sinner, because even Jesus wouldn’t have anything to do with her.

Dear teachers, the Susan we speak of is part of each of you. The Susan we speak of is the one that will come to you for healing and for teaching of the new energy.

Let us tell you what Susan did after she heard about Lesson Two. She went home, closed her door and didn’t feel guilty about it. She learned to accept her human self, the very thing she had been denying for lifetime after lifetime. She had been denying her human self for hundreds of lifetimes. She had been denying that she was even human, wanting to have this thing called ascension so she wouldn’t have to face herself as human, as a lowly human.

Do you know, my friends, that when you left the First Creation and you took physical body, you were shocked that you would have to own anything so crude and low? You knew that you would have to carry this body around with you for lifetime after lifetime. You took this human body as punishment for going too far at the edge of the First Creation. That is not so, and we ask you to release all of those thoughts and beliefs now.

Now back to Susan. Susan went home, closed her door, and realised that she had been denying, even hating, all of the human things she had done. She had been trying to achieve some ascended state so she would not have to deal with the human things she had done and the human body she carried. She had learned in the Crimson Circle to ask from within. "I do not know so much how to do this, to accept my human self. Do I go back and recount every past life? Do I spend more time processing?"

And the answer was she heard from within was … "no." As she laid upon her bed, asking how to accept herself and all of her humanness in order that she may come to know her divine self, it hit her loud and clear. It was simple. The words that came from within her – not from outside but from within her – said, "release your grasp; simply release your grasp."

As she did, she felt like you will right now as you release YOUR grasp. Her hands were clenching something. YOUR hands are clenching something. Release the grasp. Open up your hands at this time. We ask each one of you to do so now. Unclench your hands. Let go, release the grip of what you have been holding onto.

Susan realised how tightly she had been clenching. When she opened up, she remembered the parable of Oryan in the canoe going over the waterfall. She did not care. She opened up. She said, "it is time for me to release all of who I thought I was. It is time for me to release all of the beliefs that I have carried with me. It is time for me release any guilt, any pain. It is time for me, as I open my hands, to accept my human self. As I do, I will surely begin to know my divine self."

You know now your homework for the next month! It is to release your grip, to accept your human self and all that you have been, in order to understand your divine self. Surely you will be given the opportunity to experience this in the next few days! You will be given an opportunity – as you were from our last time – to be in a situation where you should not judge yourself, where you should not carry or feel guilt, where you should accept all that you are.

Dear teachers, we that are at your side today, all that you would call the angels and the archangels, all that is Spirit… we ACCEPT you and LOVE you as human. We accept every thought, every deed, every action, everything in the passion and love and wisdom of Spirit. The Eternal One loves you infinitely, endlessly, and without condition!

As we have said before, Spirit has no agenda. There is not a right way or a wrong way. There is only the new way, and you are creating it. If Spirit loves you so deeply and has no agenda, then dear teachers, you should be able to accept your human selves, to release as Susan did. As Susan released the grip of all her beliefs and guilt and pain, and she accepted everything that she had ever done unconditionally in the form of total forgiveness of self, she began to understand her own divinity.

As she lay awake at night with a tremendous feeling of release surging over her, she came to another realisation. She realised that she had been living in the future, and she had been creating a picture of fear for what the future might hold. She realised that she was worrying about unpaid bills in the future that never existed. She was worried about illness that may come to her. None of these were real, but she was projecting her own sense of unworthiness into the future. The future represented a lack of trust in her divinity. She found that she was spending much of her time and energy in the future with her fears. She laughed at herself and wondered why she was doing that.

She said, as she released her grip and opened her palm, "I will now live in the ‘now.’ I will no longer fear a future that does not exist. I will live in the ‘now.’" She began living in the "now," as she continued to practice standing behind the short wall in acceptance of all that is. As she began to consciously release her grip on her own guilt and pain and the past, she realised that she was creating a moment, a divine moment, in all of the "now" that she was living. She was learning once again to trust self. She was learning that there was no need to project a future fear scenario, but simply to live in the "now." As she did, there was a unique melding of her humanness with her divinity. She began learning that she could trust herself to provide the "divine moment." She could trust in herself to provide the "divine moment." She was no longer looking outside, asking Spirit to provide the divine moment. She was going within.

She realised that the Spirit within always provides the divine moment – always – but that she had been blocking it. Much like when she was a child, she had blocked her own light and had not helped to teach and heal others, as she knew she was capable of. She had put up a wall, the wall of unworthiness. But now as she brought this down in her adult life as a Lightworker, as a teacher of the Crimson Circle, she realised that she could trust in herself to provide the divine moment.

She began a whole series of new realisations and understandings with the two simple lessons that she had learned. First, to stand behind the wall and accept all things as they are. And second, to release the grasp and accept her human self in order to know her divine self. Her life began to transform. Oh, indeed the things around her with her family and others continued to be the same, but SHE changed. She came to new realisations. People started coming to her like she never expected, asking for healing and teaching of wisdom. They did not ask her to channeling some other entity! They asked her as Susan, the Divine Human Lightworker. Her work was good. She taught others how to heal themselves.